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  • Carolyn Hewett

Why It’s Okay to Argue

How to not be afraid of healthy conflict in your relationships.

You may have trouble believing that you would come across a blog post from a Therapist and Life Coach encouraging you to argue with your partner. In fact, you may have even stumbled upon this post searching for ways to stop the arguing in your relationship. While there are many things that challenge a relationship and put its future at risk, arguing is not necessarily one of them.


Let's ask the experts....

It's important to know that arguing is okay...in fact it can even be productive.

Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute discovered in his research that two-thirds of arguments in a committed relationship are perpetual. This means that most likely, five years from now you will still be arguing about the things you argued about five years ago. It may involve the in-laws, how to wash dishes, or the age-old thermostat war, but regardless it's perpetual.


...It can even be productive

Healthy arguing carries many benefits to folks in a variety of relationships...including intimate relationships. Arguing can be done without anger, can cultivate passionate discussion, brings in different ideas and most importantly, gives a voice to everyone.


Arguing can be done without anger.

Here are some further points to keep in mind during an argument:

  • Remain focused on the issue at hand

  • Fight fair.

  • Realize your partner is not your enemy.

  • Choose your arguments wisely

  • It's Okay to leave an argument not completely satisfied.





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